Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
