I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize