why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
