You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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