If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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