Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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