We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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