My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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