god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
