she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
