I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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