Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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