It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
