Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
