It's like a parade of train wrecks.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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