I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
