I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
