i just had sex bonerless
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
