are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
