The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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