Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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