I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
