apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
