every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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