think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
