I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MIDGETS
????
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
