You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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