goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
