Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
