i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
