Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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