I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
