literally had 100 drinks last night.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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