hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
