please come you make the beer taste better
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
