New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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