have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
