fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
