2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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