i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
