My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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