wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
