Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize