I'm lost and stupid without you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
