he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize