her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
