There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
