Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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