you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
