cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
