No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
