Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
