oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
