Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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