just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
