Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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