Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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