The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
