return my video game
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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