didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
