"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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