I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
