i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
