Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
