i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
