is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
