i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
