Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
