if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
