I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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