that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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