it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
