I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize