im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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