Sponge bath it is.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
