dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
