I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
